M. Aline

Stranded upon the sea

I look where only eyes can see

Deserted huts with only a message to be found

Bottles wash upon the shore

Only to float along once more

Will they ever reach their destination

When will you stop running circles

Around the cave you once hid in

Will we ever find the answers

We’ve sought for so long

Just to feel conflicted again

Was my heart ever yours

If yours was not mine to begin with

I’ve been told to seek more

Than this country I’m living in

Any woman would go to Europe

But I prefer this island of quicksand

No lifeboat waiting to take me home

Holding onto my sliver of hope

Rest assured, nobody knows

Or my soul wouldn’t rest a minute

His hand searches for my own

But I step back in realization

He could run to the edge of the earth

And never find a home

Because his mind scurries for riches

Anything he could buy or borrow

While my heart hurries for his heart

To have and to hold

Not to sit and wallow

I tell him not to hold my hand

If he can’t hold my heart

When he leaves, I’ll know

I’ll feel a piece of me is missing

Wondering if he will ever bring it back

There are many questions we have

But some we’ll never ask

Maybe I should go back to shore

Find a canoe to row home

That wooden thing had been there since I arrived

Though I felt as if I were stranded all alone

I never wanted to leave this place

But now our memories are here to stay

Stranded I felt but never was

I tore down my fort

Leaving this place is like a drawn cigarette to skin

Fiery pain reverberating

Lingering on every inch

What is the point of giving

If you reject what is being given

I wrote a message in a bottle

And sent it along with the waves

Maybe you will get it

And maybe you won’t

Now I wait

Not expecting you to love me

But me loving you despite you leaving

Reaching for your hand

I will tell you once more

If timing doesn’t pull us apart

Then the hand of God will draw us together

As one instead of two

Not stranded, but looking to the sea

Searching for a deeper meaning

For all that could be

No answers will suffice

Not even one

We’re better not knowing at all

I look down to find no hand in mine

It was my imagination all along

You’re still gone

Wherever you are

That bottle I sent has hardly moved

Since the waves came to a halt

Estimated arrival is never

With waves as slow as these

By the time it reaches you

You’ll be settling down with ease

Or maybe I’m wrong

And it’ll find you out at sea

Ten days or ten months from now

When I’m back home

My phone will ring

I deleted your number when you left the island

But I still have it stashed in my jar of memories

I let it go to voicemail

In hopes that it would ease

This pounding chaos in my chest

And the dull ache that was forming

Oh, your voice I missed

Even twenty-four hours not hearing it made me feel out of place

There you were

Calling me up before I said goodnight to the moon and stars

To tell me that a part of you has yet to be found

Because you lost it when you left me

There was radio silence on my end for weeks

Trying to process

What I should think

You found your riches and dreams

But it wasn’t enough

Your heart wasn’t ever fully satisfied with materialistic things

I feel as if you knew deep down that nothing would change

Now, you find in me a soulmate

You’d rather seek what you lost

Than borrow somebody else’s treasury

Your love is deeper and greater than I ever imagined it to be

You give so generously and willingly

With you, I have no speech

My lips move but no words fall

Butterflies flap their wings in my head

And nuzzle in my stomach as if a quilt is warming them

I think of times before this

When you held back from being honest

Because you were afraid it would tear me apart

But now you’re afraid of holding back

Because the truth would shred you to pieces

Standing here now

I wish rain would pour

Make us forget the worries of yesterday and tomorrow

Focus on what we have now

I chose to forget your past

When I said I fell for you, it wasn’t fast

Believe me when I say I don’t blame you for not confessing sooner

Yet, you’re who you are today because you chose her over me

Only because she reeled you in like a fish

While I sat and hinted like a dolphin

Showing you flips and tricks

While she baited you with her fins

Then you realized her personality wasn’t up to par

Dealing with a woman like her was bizarre

She wasn’t like me

It was cutting you deep

A soulmate you thought you’d lost but now have

The one you thought you could never have

The timing was off

And she found her way in

But she never had your heart like I did

That’s how I imagine it to be

Ten days or ten months from now

When my phone rings

I hope it’s you

Not my neighbor across the street

What is a life without a home

My home is with you

Without you, there is no home

I might as well go back to sea

Back to that estranged island

Of quicksand that swallows me

Light still follows me

And blinks

When shadows awake

Forcing them away with unseen power

Gentle and majestic

Yet persuasive and louder

I take a deep breath

Gazing at your photograph

Stranded I am

No one to reach out this time

The waves flow rapidly

Too quick for any boat

Stranded I’ll stay on this island

Duration is unknown

If you start to wonder where I am

Take a trip out to me

And see where it goes

–M. Aline