M. Aline

Before college, I swear I planned out every detail of my life to a point where it was more of what I wanted than what God wanted. There was a lot of disappointment in doing so because those plans that weren’t in God’s will would fall through and I’d be left wondering “what happens now?” Now in my senior year of college, I’ve grown to be less of a planner and more spontaneous…for the most part.

When it comes to planning the small details like a trip or an outline for my book-writing or what I’m doing for the next month, I’m a planner. But when it comes to the next six months to a year or a few years down the road, I’ve given up my planning and traded it for seeing where God takes me and taking the steps that are needed when the time comes.

90% of my mistakes in the past came from planning months to years ahead of myself and being buried in piles of disappointment when things would fall through. But there’s a difference between having goals you’d like to achieve and planning to achieve them by a certain time that isn’t even guaranteed.

I think where we often fail the most is 1) not including God in those plans, 2) trying to go through with something even when you know it isn’t apart of God’s will, and 3) being so concrete in your own ways that you fail to leave room for God to work—which goes hand in hand with not including Him in the first place. If you’re a planner, trust me when I say that I get it. Truly, I do. I had my whole life planned out at the ages of 12, 15, and 17 until reality nearly swept the ground beneath my feet.

At 12, I planned to graduate high school at 15 because I wanted to be a part of the fashion industry. One of those goals was in God’s will and resulted in a good enough standing GPA that granted me access to have easily gone to an Ivy League like Harvard or Yale if I desired to, whereas the other goal left me jobless and wondering “what happens now?”

At 15, I was with a guy who—if I had stayed with—could have become physically abusive, yet I saw myself getting married to him and starting a family at 18. I also was starting to write more and dreamed of publishing my own books one day but thought that was too far off to even dream of becoming a reality. It wasn’t in God’s will for my first love and I to end up, but little did I know, six years later I’d publish my first book.

At 17, my grandmother passed away in a tragic way that flipped my whole world upside down. I grew intrigued by investigative journalism and was drawn to wanting to educate myself more. I wasn’t sure exactly what I wanted to do anymore. I was working day in and day out at a pizzeria that paid me the bare minimum despite how hard as I was working and had fallen ill in such a way that I couldn’t get well until months after I had quit. Originally, I never planned on going to college. I planned to work and save money to buy my first vehicle, find a corporate job and climb my way up the ladder…no intention of going to college whatsoever. But not too shortly before my grandmother passed, she brought up the subject of college for the first time. I remember her telling me, “I think you should go for journalism. You’d be great at it!” And so, with a little bit of encouragement and my own desire to further my writing skills, I started looking into colleges. I got accepted into three different colleges before choosing the one I am now finishing up at. I got discouraged and nearly gave up trying to go to college when I failed my first two TEAS exams. But ultimately, God led me to where I was supposed to be.

While my plans were to work, save, climb the ladder, and continue; God’s plans were for me to learn, grow, and aspire for more than what I felt capable of. To focus on improving the skillset He has gifted me to use.

Now at 21, while I’m not in the fashion industry, married, or working as I originally planned to be…I did graduate high school at 15, published my first book, and am merely ten months away from graduating college. Whether I shall choose to further it is still a question I haven’t answered myself, but I know the Lord will lead and guide me to where I’m meant to be. While I find myself currently discouraged and uncertain of the future, there is also a comfort in knowing that the Lord has my best interest at heart and as long as I continue to uphold my obedience to Him and prioritize Him above all else, He will give me the desires of my heart. And those desires are ones He has placed in my choosing of His ways over my own.

Maybe you’ve been feeling similarly recently, maybe not. All I know is, it’s hard being in your 20s and seeing all of your friends getting married, having kids (not so much that part though), and accomplishing certain things that you have not yet. But every journey is different, and just as there may be some things you have accomplished that I wish I had, it can also be vice versa.

Anyways, just my thoughts starting out this week. Hope everyone is having a great day!!!