M. Aline

I know it hurts. To love someone and them not love you back. When you love someone and they love you back, but still choose someone else. I know it hurts even more when that person is one of your few friends, or the closest being you have to one. I know this because I’ve been hurt before. In all of these ways. I have loved someone and them not love me back. I have loved someone and them love me back, but watched them choose someone else. And I have also had that someone be one of my few friends.

I wish people would realize: You don’t have to be in a relationship to get your heart broken. In fact, most heart breaks happen before you even get in a relationship with them. Maybe it isn’t the right timing. He gets a girlfriend before you can even say, “I like you.” Or vice versa. Maybe he spent time with your family, acted like he wanted to get to know you better, and then he’s suddenly with a different girl the next week. It happens unfortunately. Sometimes it’s the wrong timing, sometimes it’s just wrong period. And it isn’t always easy to figure that part out. Sometimes you don’t know until that season of your life comes to an end. Whether that ending being you with that person or you with someone else. It’s not easy. It’s heart breaking. At moments, it feels like your heart is being ripped out of your chest. The next minute, you may feel angry and want to scream and cry. I know the feeling. Mostly because I’m going through it once again.

It comes in waves just as grief. Which I’m also still dealing with. I don’t know when I ever stop grieving, but we’ll talk about that later. I’m heart broken. Just as I thought things were progressing and starting to work out, it collapsed and fell right beneath my feet. Like a sand castle you spent two to three hours molding and forming to perfection, only for the waves to rush in and wash it away. All that hard work and effort you put in, for what may have felt like a lifetime, to be taken away from you within seconds. That’s how it feels.

Some days, I want to scream. Others, I want to cry. Some days I just want to sleep. Other days, I want to do anything and everything.